These pages do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends or my GSD. Don’t quote me on that; don’t quote me on anything.
You may distribute this posting and all its associated parts freely, but you may not make a profit from it or include the posting in commercial publications without written permission. Further re-distributions of this document or its parts are allowed.
The fine print
- Humour is subject to change without notice; humour has slightly been enlarged to show detail.
- Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.
- Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, spindle, or mutilate.
- Actual mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this offer is void where prohibited.
- Humour is provided “as is” without warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse.
- No shoes, no shirt, no humour; quantities are limited; while supplies last; caveat emptor; read at your own risk.
- Parental advisory – explicit humour; text may contain material some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised.
- Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children; limit one-per-family please.
- No money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win.
- Some assembly required; batteries are not included; action figures sold separately; objects may be larger than they appear in the mirror.
- No preservatives added; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken.
Use with care
- Call before you dig; for external use only.
- If a rash, redness, irritation or swelling develops, discontinue use; use only with proper ventilation.
- Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool, dry place; keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes.
- Avoid contact with mucous membranes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Do not place near flammable or magnetic source; reading this E-mail message may be hazardous to your health.
- Text used in this E-mail message is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles.
- No animals were used to test the hilarity of this message; no salt, MSG, artificial colour or flavour added.
- If ingested, do not induce vomiting; if symptoms persist consult a humorologist.
- Slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; allow four to six weeks for delivery.
Limitations
Disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorised repair, damage from improper installation, typos, misspelled words, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in this E-mail message, and incidents owing to motor vehicle accidents, aeroplane crash, ship sinking, leaky roof, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, broken glass, flying projectiles, or dropping the item; other restrictions may apply.
Enter at your own peril. You have been warned!