Up the Pole – EKSTEEN BLABBER

Up the Pole

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No, this is NOT a crude reference to pregnancy!

Do you read the newspaper posters stuck on telephone or power poles every day? Did one or more of them ever convince you to buy the paper to read the story?

I have made a conscious decision that I will not buy a newspaper based on the content on a poster somewhere on the street. Not only are these posters often misleading, the rest of the newspaper content is generally so depressing that I end up feeling like cutting my wrists.

So I have come up with an alternative: I read the poster and then make up my own story behind it.

Confused? Join me on my ride through the news no paper ever dares report…

CATCH A JOB TODAY

The Cape Hunt and Polo Club – tired of all the criticism aimed at their laidback lifestyle of the rich & famous and the fact that their horses do all the work while they have become lard asses – recently decided to launch a new sport.

At about the same time the department of Correctional Services were discussing plans to give their inmates some more exercise without being accused of inhumanity or, God forbid!, infringing on the constitutional rights of criminals.

The best part of this coincidence is that the chief warden of Pollsmoor is also a member of the CH&PC, so the two ideas converged.

From about two months ago a large piece of open land opposite the prison was rented on a weekly basis by the said department to be used as an exercise yard for their inpatients. The field covers more than 100 hectares, thus allowing the cons plenty of space to run around in.

Of course it is impractical to allow every inmate out of prison every week, so it was decided to do it in groups, in alphabetical order.

The “hunt” section of the CH&PC jumped at the opportunity to leave their steeds at home and instead chase after and catch real live human beings for a change. Thus the sport of CRAP (Chasing and Re-Arresting of Prisoners) began.

Today the group of inmates with names starting with the letters “I” to “P” will be given the opportunity to roam the practise field. The members of the hunt club will arrive 30 minutes later and be given the opportunity to have their weekly CRAP and earn points for every trophy captured. As usual, through a completely random draw, one name was picked which will earn the lucky capturer 10 bonus points and give him/her the chance to earn the title of “Crapper of the Day”.

You guessed it: today’s lucky name drawn is “Job”, hence the poster advertising the opportunity to “CATCH A JOB TODAY”!

My less imaginative colleagues have suggested that the Daily Voice may only have been promoting a Career insert in their paper today, but of course you and I know better…