The Power of the Label – EKSTEEN BLABBER

The Power of the Label

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Isn’t it just amazing what effect the label on a product can have on one’s desire to own or use it (or not)?

I have been noticing a bluish round container in my bathroom for many moons and have always wondered about the magic contained within. So I took a closer look at the top label and was pleasantly surprised with what this product supposedly offered.

Firstly it claims to be “balancing”. Surely this is a must-have for those individuals regularly over-indulging in methanol-infused liquids, these days made from some of the strangest fruits and plants conceivable. Imagine an officer on duty asks you to walk on the white line to check your level of inebriation. How comforting to know that this is one test you will easily pass.

Should you, by some horrible stroke of bad luck, lose your balance and fall over, you have nothing to worry about. This product also promises to be “uplifting”. Quite useful, yes?

On the other hand, if you do fail the breathalyser test and said officer insists on giving you a pair of iron bangles before escorting you to your very small overnight room, maybe your spirits rather than your body require the “uplifting”. A long weekend all by yourself in a cold 3X3 could be very depressing, I believe.

Now that I think about it I realise there is of course the possibility that I am completely misunderstanding this “uplifting” thing. Does it perhaps refer to the power it may have of reviving some sagging body parts? Now, wouldn’t THAT be a real morale booster?

I carry on reading
The label further invites me to “get that feeling”. Without any hint of what feelings I am supposed to be getting, my two-track mind – don’t ask! – sets off on a wonderful road trip past all the possible emotions I could be experiencing. In my wildest dreams the possibilities are endless, but eventually I give up. No matter how hard I try, I cannot reach a conclusion on which feeling to get.

Is this stuff edible, I wonder? According to WordWeb the name suggests it is “an ice containing no milk but having a mushy consistency; usually made from fruit juice”. Sounds delicious, but I am not yet ready to taste it for myself.

Then I notice the proverbial elephant in the room. Right in front of me, in big bold letters, it says BODY BUTTER. And the light came on for me.

So, darling, do not believe everything you see on a label. These companies exaggerate quite a lot.

But please go ahead and use that “butter”.


I am in the mood for a sandwich anyway.